How to “Rule Adolescents” that Cause Major Conflicts?

Prof. Dr. Dilek Şirvanlı Özen, Prof. Dr. Dilek Şirvanlı Özen, who touched upon the points to be considered in terms of the rules that parents want to impose on children during adolescence, which is perhaps one of the most complex and dynamic stages of life, said, “Balancing between adolescents‘ search for independence and parents’ guidance efforts can sometimes turn into a painful journey.” Özen also reminded that what parents say in this process will be perceived differently by children, and said that it is necessary to be clear and clear when speaking.

Adolescence can be a challenging period for both children and families. During this period, children take important steps towards gaining their independence, while parents assume the responsibility of guiding them through this transition. However, setting rules and ensuring that these rules are followed during this period can sometimes be more challenging than expected. In this sense, in order to establish a healthy relationship with adolescents, Altınbaş University and APAM Psychological Research Center Faculty Member Prof. Dr. Dilek Şirvanlı Özen mentioned the points to be considered especially regarding the rules to be set for adolescents.

What does the parent say, what does the adolescent understand?

Prof. Dr. Özen stated that adolescents often perceive what their parents say in a different way, “For example, a warning such as ‘You should study, your grades are important’ may mean ‘You are not successful enough’ for an adolescent. This situation stems from the developmental processes of young people and their search for identity. Therefore, when communicating with adolescents, it is extremely important to try to understand their point of view and think about how what you say can be perceived." Prof. Dr. Özen emphasized that using open, clear and positive language while talking to adolescents will help them understand what you say more accurately.

Avoid setting rules that can be broken

Prof. Dr. Özen said that one of the most important points to be considered when setting rules is that these rules should be applicable and logical, and that parents should avoid setting strict rules to control the lives of adolescents too much. According to Prof. Özen, for example, a strict rule such as “Don't use your phone after 8 pm” may be perceived as unreasonable and unfair by teenagers. Instead, it may be more effective to set a flexible but clear rule such as “Your phone should be turned off after 10 p.m. so that your sleep pattern is not disturbed”.

Hear and trust the adolescent's voice

Stating that adolescence is the process of individuals finding their own identities and gaining their independence, Prof. Dr. Özen said that trusting young people and taking their ideas into consideration in this process both increases their self-confidence and ensures a healthier communication within the family. Prof. Dr. Özen said that it is important to listen to the adolescent's ideas and wishes when setting rules and to find a common solution in this direction.

Be open and transparent

Being open and transparent in communication with adolescents forms the basis of trust. Prof. Dr. Özen stated that explaining why rules are set and what purpose these rules serve will make young people respect these rules more and said, “For example, explanations such as ‘It is important for your safety that you do not come home late’ will help them understand the logic behind the rules.”

Be consistent and fair

Özen said that while expecting adolescents to follow the rules, parents should also apply these rules consistently, “Inconsistency can lead to confusion and disrespect for the rules. At the same time, it is also important to be fair. Rules need to be applied equally for every child."

Set an example

Prof. Dr. Özen said that the behavior of parents directly affects adolescents' attitudes towards obeying rules and that parents should set an example for their children by following the rules they set themselves. Prof. Özen said, “For example, if you have set the rule ‘No phone use at dinner’, you should follow this rule and put the phone aside. This sets a positive example for young people to follow the rules."

Approach their world with empathy

Although adolescence presents challenges in terms of rules and boundaries, it is possible to overcome this process in a healthier way with the right communication and understanding. Prof. Dr. Dilek Şirvanlı Özen emphasized that parents should try to understand their point of view when talking to adolescents, set reasonable and applicable rules, trust young people and set an example for them, and concluded by saying, “Let's not forget that the way to establish a healthy relationship with adolescents is to approach their world with empathy and support them.”