Immature parents: The silent burden left to children

The effects of childhood traumas continue into adulthood. Altınbaş University Psychology Department Faculty Member Prof. Dr. Dilek Şirvanlı Özen drew attention to how the invisible burdens carried in childhood shape the lives of individuals in adulthood. She gave important information about this situation, which is often characterized as a situation that immature parents put their children through. She stated that the negativities experienced in the past are not the fault of the individual, but it is the responsibility of adulthood to get rid of these burdens. “Recognizing and leaving behind the silent burdens of the past can open the doors to a healthier and more peaceful life. This journey is difficult but possible.” and made suggestions on how to solve the problem.

Echoes of childhood wounds in adulthood

Prof. Dr. Şirvanlı Özen stated that in cases where children's expectations of love, trust and affection are not met, this gap creates significant effects on relationships, business life and emotional bonds in the following years.

She emphasized that negative parental behaviors such as criticism, indifference or anger cause deep wounds in the inner world of the individual.

“When children grow up with inconsistent love and indifference from their parents, they feel a constant sense of lack. This leads to the question 'Why do I always feel like something is missing?' in adulthood,” said Şirvanlı Özen, adding that recognizing these burdens is the first step in the healing process.

“Immature parents cause deep wounds in their children's lives”

Prof. Dr. Dilek Şirvanlı Özen from Altınbaş University gave examples of typical behaviors of immature parents:

- Lack of emotional control: Punishing with anger or silence.

- Not seeing the child as an individual: Perceiving the child as “a figure who needs to make me happy”.

- Insensitivity to needs: Dismissive reactions such as “You're exaggerating!”.

- Inconsistent love: Lack of continuity of love.

Stating that such behaviors cause deep wounds in the emotional and psychological development of children, Özen said that these wounds lead to problems such as insecurity, seeking approval and feeling worthless in adulthood.

How do the wounds inflicted in childhood manifest themselves in adulthood?

Prof. Dr. Şirvanlı Özen stated that negative experiences in childhood can manifest themselves in different ways in adulthood. “The individual who is in constant search for trust carries anxieties such as “What if I am abandoned?”. They have a mood that constantly expects love and attention from others. They hunger for affection. They feel the need for approval, they are in constant search for appreciation. They have to cope with attachment problems that may affect their relationships. They exhibit avoidant or overly dependent attitudes.”

“Recovery is possible”

Stating that these wounds can be healed in adulthood, Özen shared his recommendations in 4 main points:

- Awareness: Understanding how childhood experiences affect the present.

- Self-Compassion: Developing the habit of self-love and self-worth.

- Setting Healthy Boundaries: Clarifying emotional boundaries.

- Getting Professional Support: Managing this process more effectively with the help of experts.